Love in the time of Sinusitis

Winter in Sydney is beautiful. The sky is crystal blue, the air feels crisp, it's ok to stay home and snuggle up under a doona and order take away, because really, what else are you gonna do when it's that cold outside. Not unimportant either, I can finally wear that white fake fur jacket that makes people want to cuddle me because I am so soft.

A not so nice thing about winter, however, is sinusitis. Blocked and inflamed sinuses inside your head, making it hard to breathe and think.
A not so nice thing about sinusitis, is when the built up fluid in your sinus presses down on the nerves of your upper teeth. This makes you want to get a toolbox, grab whatever will assist in pulling your teeth out, and then hit yourself in the face until you go knock out.

Discovery of the week: it is not easy to give love when you feel like your mouth might explode, and when a daily codeine overdose makes it hard to simply put one foot in front of the other.

I did give it a try though, my compliment-assignment.

In the doctor's waiting room, I witnessed how extremely friendly the lady behind the counter was. Nothing but smiles, thank yous, pleases and pleasures. So, after my ten minutes of torture in the doctor's room ("does this hurt?" "YES! MTHRFCKR!!"), I walked up to her and said: "I just want to say that I think you are very friendly, and I find it refreshing". To which she replied with a blush and a giggle, and then she said "Oh, I can't help it, I'm just a nice person".

I thought that was pretty cute.

There have been more compliments, but more subconsciously, quick remarks on how people looked or what they said or what they did. I guess that's good, but I had kind of hoped for something more substantial.

What had I hoped for, then? To wander around the streets, with a silent smile of contentness on my face, curing pain and sorrow with a simple bat of my endless eyelashes, my aura pure and white, children holding my hands, old and sick people weeping tears of joy at the sheer sight of me, puppies and kittens jumping with excitement, butterflies in my hair, birds carrying my groceries whilst singing merry melodies?

Am I naive and unrealistic after all?

"No", said my friend Jim. "You are not naive and not unrealistic. You are not accepting that this is the way it is. You are acknowledging that there is a law of attraction, that you are not a mere victim of a f*cked up society. That things should be different. That things CAN be different."

And the law of attraction did its work. The other day, I met a girl who showered me with compliments. I have never had so many compliments from a stranger. She said that my parents should keep procreating so that there can be more people like me on this planet (I won't go into detail about the many reasons my parents will not keep procreating, even though it might be pretty entertaining, in hindsight ;)... Her words felt like a warm blanket and it made me smile so wide that my sore teeth saw the sunlight for a moment.

So far..

A short summary of how I went the last couple of days..

HIT: When someone ordered a "decaf double ristretto soy cinnamon latte", I simply smiled and thought "I guess we all have different taste" (note: this would have usually sent me straight into a corner, hugging my knees, slowly rocking back and forth until the nasty coffee visions leave my head)

MISS: I kicked over a "CAUTION - CLEANING IN PROGRESS" sign because it was in the way and no one was cleaning. (why did I do that? I never kick things. Was this the beginning of the built-up anger my mates were talking about?)

HIT & MISS: In the midst of conversation with my friend Evey, I blurted out a panicky "OH NO!" and covered my mouth with my hands. Evey looked confused and slightly worried. "I am saying unkind things about someone!" I said. "I can't do that anymore with my resolution!"
According to Evey, it was awkward to stop our conversation mid sentence. So I kept my mouth shut while she finished the conversation by herself.


Since the kick-off of my project, I have been getting really positive responses from people. This makes me happy, and more determined to keep going.
Other people have been less excited. My mate Gary summed up the world we live in, according to him:
"The world doesn't revolve around love, Marilyn. It's about sex and nuclear weapons."
This makes me sad, and more determined to keep going.

Also, I am such a newbie to this blogging thing. I wonder if there are other blogs with a same sort of intention? People that are trying to make the world a better place in their own microscopic way? Or projects, or websites? I would love to get a bit more involved in this online world, so if anyone has suggestions, please let me know.

Now.
What I have realized, is that "giving love" is a very broad subject. I might get lost during the next six months if this is my only guideline. I have therefore decided to set weekly assignments for myself. They will all be a way of "giving love", but in a more practical way.

This week's assignment:
GIVE COMPLIMENTS.

Give a compliment to a minimum of two people every day. Preferably people you don't know, and even more preferably: people that aren't particularly nice to you. Find something nice about them (EVERYONE has a nice characteristic) and tell em about it.
Notice their reaction. Does it change their behaviour in any way? Do they laugh it off? Do they return the pleasure?


I will get back to you guys at the end of the week and tell you all about my findings. Feel free to do this assignment yourself! I would really enjoy hearing what other people are experiencing :) (we're in this together!)

Write again soon :) xx

How it started

On a rainy thursday afternoon, I take a sip of my espresso and carefully tell my friends about the project I am about to start..

"So, the idea is, that for the next six months, I am going to approach everyone, and every situation, with love. Even things that would usually really annoy me, even when people are being mean, I will not let myself get overwhelmed by anger or frustration. I will merely take a breath and give them love."

My friends are unsure.

Frank: "You are going to get so much built-up anger inside you. I bet you'll snap after two months. You have to start kickboxing or something if you are planning on making this work"

(Hmmm, I was kinda hoping I could just stick to my regime of singing out loud and sporadically running up and down a set of stairs)

Matt: "It is a really nobel idea but I don't think you can do it."

Emma: "I think it's going to drain your energy."

Toby: "So, imagine someone robbed you? How would you go about that?"
Me: "Well, of course I would feel sad that someone took what is mine, but then I suppose if that person is in a situation where they don't have enough money to get by and they need to steal, that's pretty shit for them as well."
Toby: "What if the person who robbed you took a knife and stabbed you right in the stomach and didn't feel remorse?"
Me: "Yeah. That would hurt. I guess the person who'd do that must be pretty disturbed and confused and would be in desperate need of some compassion."
Toby: "What if he robbed you and stabbed you and then got alll his mates and threw you in the back of a van and then gangraped you and they didn't have any reason to do this, they are just rotten human beings full of hatred. How far will love get you then huh??!"
Me: "Tobes... I was kind of thinking that, for now, I might just focus on people jumping the queue in the supermarket. Or rude customers or something."
Toby: "Ah yeah, fair enough."

With some strong suppport from my friends, I decide to continue my plan.

Why?

I feel that the focus in this world is more and more on harshness, cruelty and negativity. I see so many angry and frustrated people. My natural reaction to these people is to get annoyed and defensive, but in reality this only creates a negative spiral.
I wonder why it would be ok to spend an entire conversation bitching about other people. Or why it is that people enjoy reading gossip about other people's misery. Why people don't sit and pause for a moment and acknowledge that we are all earthlings, of similar value, with emotions, hopes, fears, dreams, pasts and futures.

I am not a particularly hateful or angry person. But I am no saint. I feel anger. I judge people - often too soon. There are certain people I like more than others. There are a lot of things I don't understand. I often think that MY way is the best way, the only way. I am human.

But I still believe that, regardless of all the crap that is going on in the world, us humans are innately GOOD.
Somehow, we got lost along the way.
I want to bring love back.

So that is what I will attempt to do for the next six months. I have no doubt that it will be challenging. I am hoping that no one will stab me in the stomach remorselessly. But whatever happens:

I will give love.

And I will write about it.